Cabaret NOLA

Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Looks abandoned, feels like a crime scene.

The atmosphere is nonexistent, the location is sketchy, and the luxury? Non-existent. Don't even get me started on the capacity – it's tiny. If you're looking for a dive, this might be it, but don't expect much.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Zero respect for customers, zero effort to please.

The door service is non-existent, bar service is slow, and respect? Forget about it. Safety and cleanliness are barely a concern, and value? You'll be ripped off. Only go if you're looking for a bad time.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Overpriced garbage that tastes like an insult.

The food prices are outrageous, the quality is subpar, and the drink prices? Are you kidding me? The bottles are overpriced, and the cigars/hookah are a joke. If you want to waste your money, be my guest.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Underwhelming experience with talent, no interaction.

The talent is lacking, appearance is unimpressive, and interaction? Forget about it. Professionalism is nonexistent, and VIP/dance value? You'll be disappointed. If you're a die-hard fan, you might find something, but otherwise, it's a waste of time.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

A total disappointment from top to bottom.

Nothing here stands out, except for how much it fails to impress. If you're desperate for a night out, you might find something. Otherwise, avoid this place altogether.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.