Long Branch Saloon

Property weighs 7 sub-metrics — atmosphere, location, privacy, parking, luxury, amenities, capacity — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 property score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Nowhere you want to be.

The room itself is a dead zone. Atmosphere, luxury, amenities, location, parking, capacity, and privacy all scored zero. It's cramped, dingy, hard to find, and nowhere near welcoming. Go literally anywhere else.

Service weighs 7 sub-metrics — door, bar, speed, respect, safety, clean, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 service score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Indifferent staff, unsafe vibes.

Door staff, bar staff, speed, respect, safety, cleanliness—all missing. You'll feel ignored at best, uncomfortable at worst. The place doesn't care about your experience, and it shows.

Food weighs 7 sub-metrics — quality, price, drinks, bottles, luxury, cigar, value — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 food score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

Overpriced garbage, skip the bar.

Drinks are overpriced swill. Food quality is nonexistent. Bottles, prices, and value are all terrible. Don't order anything. Grab a water and leave.

Performers weighs 6 sub-metrics — talent, style, interact, pro, vip, dance — each scored 0–10. They roll up into the single 0–100 performers score.

Signals come from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. The overall dot on the radar is the average shape across these sub-metrics.

No talent, no effort, no point.

Zero talent, zero professionalism, zero interaction. The dancers aren't trying, and neither is the club. VIP value and dance value are both nonexistent. This is the opposite of why you'd go to a strip club.

Each point on the radar is a dimension scored 0–100, weighted by how much it shapes a night out. Balanced shapes mean well-rounded clubs; spikes mean a venue excels at one thing but not others.

Tap any dimension's own info icon to see which sub-metrics feed into it.

Complete washout across every dimension.

Long Branch Saloon is a zero across the board. Every metric—atmosphere, service, talent, drinks, food—bottomed out. This isn't a bad club; it's barely a club at all. Don't waste your time or money.

SW Score is a weighted composite across four dimensions — property, service, food, and performers — measured across 27 sub-metrics and a separate value score.

Sub-metric signals are pulled from verified reviews, venue data, and website text. Each dimension rolls up into a 0-100 score, which feeds the weighted overall.

How to read the shape: a balanced radar means a well-rounded club. A spiked shape means it excels at one thing and not others. Tap any dimension below for its full breakdown.